Please, be tamed...just a little.

As I sat at my computer this morning for the last time before I venture off to Disney World for a week, a disturbingly, revealing photo from the Much Music Awards of, who else, Miley Cyrus, appears in front of my groggy eyes. First off, it is far too early in the morning for me to be seeing 17-year-old, lady parts or anything of the sort (thanks Perez Hilton) without so much as a cup of coffee. Secondly, why Miley? I was actually just starting to support your rebellion.

Just the other day, I was defending your statement about teeny-bopper boys being able to flaunt their goods in tiny tanks and skinny-girl jeans and how it's unfair that you can't express yourself. And then you wear an unbelievably, inappropriate, white bodysuit, clearly stolen from Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera's 2003 performance with Madonna at the VMAs, except they wore a bottom half. Not only does this reveal that you have bad taste but that you apparently keep up with your favorite bikini wax artist.

These are the sort of pictures that should be haunting you in your mid-to-late 20s when you "accidentally" forget your underwear out one night, wearing a mini dress while lunging out of a limo. I am interested to see how she squirms her way out of this one. None of that "I'm a big girl now" crap because this is one of those things her parents should lock her up for--or her parents should be locked up for letting her do. This will be a defining moment for Billy Ray and Mrs. Billy Ray: Will they go the Lohan family route and let things spiral out of control and suck up the fame at their daughter's expense? Or, will Billy Ray step in like Britney's dad and delegate her every move and demand she wears proper undergarments?

The Caged Bird Sings

Britney was a "Slave 4 U"

Christina got "Dirrrrty"

And now, it's Miley's turn...

http://www.eonline.com/videos/v53035_miley-cyrus-cant-be-tamed-video.html

She is soaring out of the cushy Disney closet, leaving behind her morals and most of her clothes. Miss Cyrus gave us a little taste of what's-to-come with her infamous Vanity Fair shoot, her pole dancing at the Teen Choice Awards in 09 and those long forgotten slumber party-shower photos. Now it's official--Miley Cyrus can't be tamed.

Apparently, as her new video points out, she is like a rare, wild bird that can't be confined to a cage or metallic corset for that matter. She is breaking out of her Mickey-made-mold and slipping into something a little less comfy with a lot more feathers. "Party in the USA" was, and still is, wildly popular in most circles for its upbeat-good time feel. "I Can't Be Tamed" is sure to hit a different crowd (a.k.a. not my 5-year-old cousin.)

Some may find the transformation a bit jarring. One week she's Hanna Montana and the next she looks like Brtiney Spears in "Womanizer" meets Sasha Fierce. Couture S&M gear and a pole shouldn't be as appealing to her young fans as a blond wig but, odds are, giant black wings, thigh high boots and a leather bodysuit may be on your tween daughter's newest shopping list.

While her young fans (and their parents) may not be prepared, Miley's friends and Hollywood teammates are loving the new look, so far. Demi Lovato tweets, "SO proud of that girl... THAT VIDEO IS SOOO GOOD!!!!!" and others say she's the next Britney Spears just with a ten year headstart. Let's hope that title doesn't come with the psychiatric breakdown, two children with a hobo and a Mr. Clean haircut.

For now, we need to anxiously await her new album's release in June and accept the wild bird for what she is--a 17-year-old "discovering herself" with the help of her bottomless piggy bank and a team of people dedicated to pushing her to the edge. Hopefully, those gigantic wings really help her fly when/if she gets pushed too far.

OMG Teen Choice

1. Miley Cyrus (and her two reported rivals Demi and Selena)
2. Giant surfboard awards
3. The Jonas Brothers
4. and every other screamtastic celeb gracing the Hollywood hills this season

Teen Choice Awards 2008 took the shreaking jailbait world by storm. Opening with a shameless plug for Miley and her number one album, the hostess with the mostess gave a rose to Fergie, threw herself at Zac Efron and even serenaded a one Mrs. Nick Jonas, Selena Gomez (the two have unknowingly admitted to dating when both described the same favorite first date to two different mags).

After the casual stroll around the celeb strewn crowd it was obvious that the million dollar baby herself was taking this show rather lightly and just had a teen-girl blast with it. Miley brought the famed Mandy (the other half of the Mandy and Miley Show) and just acted strangely sincere and honest--like she was filming one of those youtube vids of hers. Although unconventionally intersting there are mixed reviews on the choice in host, lypsynching performers in booty shorts and the dance off between A.C.D.C. and the M&M Crew (as made famous by youtube celeb filled battles).

Shmanderz And Shmilez wrapped up the show with their big win for hottest dance crew and other big surf board recipients included The Jonas Brothers and Gossip Girl. As a fan of the young Hollywood scene the show was a success for me-- the most famous/controversial teen in the world right now hosting a show about the other hottest kids under 20 plus fashion, music, famous people and dancing? Yes please.

Why I love POP

Oft refferred to as the new Mileys, Selena Gomez (the new Disney Channel starlet) and Demi Lovato (whoever she is) started up a youtube channel of their own--only to rival the infamous Miley and Mandy show. Apparently this happened a little while back but sadly my youtube stalking has lacked as of late so hear it is now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhGEO9XDmis

VS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fzX92p2czw

Personally, I adore this little tiff between disgustingly rich pop teen princesses. Sure, this kind of petty drama took place in high school but was it anywhere near as interesting? NO. Here's why:

1. It wasn't aired on youtube


2. The boyfriend being stolen was not a Jonas Brother


3. It didn't involve Miley freakin' Cyrus (not her actual middle name)

Watch the vids if you can stomach them (I'd turn the volume down due to the pitch of a 15 yr. old girl's voice) and pick your side. I know mine.

ps. Your make-up is waaayy too dark Miss Lovato

I CAN wait to see you again...

Dearly blog love-ed, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to the reputation of peppy-rocker royalty.

In a time when America's youth needed a fashion forward female to look up to, she was there in bedazzled jeans and matching sequin jacket.

When we all needed a good dual-personality teen rock icon, she threw on a hideous-banged platinum blond wig between songs at her insanely sold out to the point where people faked cancer to get in-concerts.

And when young Hollywood was defined by Sweet 16 Birthday parties posing as baby showers and playpen-play boy shoots, she was there merely sharing a twizzler by mouth in a non-sexual manner with a friend in a cell phone pic.

Until that tragic day when our world came crashing down on us.

Destiny Hope "Miley Ray" Cyrus' dignity was taken at far too young an age. At the age when most adolescent girls are looking forward to cell phones and licenses, Miley was sucked into the unavoidable pit of lost female idols.

On April 14, 2008- a trio of photographs was leaked of Miley in less than appropriate clothing, or underwear for that matter.

Flashing her still not quite yet developed chest wearing what can only be assumed as a green training bra, you could see the last strands of hope fraying from the lace trim. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop their Miley-ites. In a separate shoot, the 15 year old daughter of the most famous mullet known to Hollywood was laying in a seductive position with no brightly colored fun top on but instead a black big-girl bra. In these two candid’s, the photographer is unknown as is the identity or age of the guy Miley is sprawled over.

What could she have become? There were so many opportunities left in this pop tart's $18.3 million a year career. She will still sell out stadiums, she will still have total control of every radio station and teen channel but it will never be the same. This is a blemish that not even a Pro-active campaign can erase.

When Miley dropped "Destiny Hope" from her name, it was an all too frightening foreshadowing. Too soon after, all hope dropped of this harlot being the last chance at a respected tween role model.

Her reputation now rests peacefully next to those memories of Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie-Lynn Spears and Ashley Tisdale.

We only have future generations to look forward to now--maybe Jamie's baby will bring a light to the end of this un-clothed, un-inhibited tunnel heading our youth to a skanky train wreck.

Say it ain't so

I regret to report that plans for a "pro-Miley Cyrus-Hannah Montana Rocks-Disney still has hope" blog have been corrupted.

My far too knowledged little sister informed me that in fact, Miley has crossed over to the dark side.

During an in depth chat on my fave topic, the debauchery that is young Hollywood, my sister began to list the disappointments of Disney Channel-- Ashley Tisdale's Wacko-Jacko nose jobs, Vanessa's sex tape scandals, Jamie-Lynn's growing bump--I added a naive, "At least we still have Miley Cyrus!" Nope.

She shot me down before I could say "Don't break my achey-breaky heart". "There are pictures of Miley naked online now. Or at least half naked." I couldn't believe it. I reluctantly typed her name into google which I know is very liberal with their uncensored photos. One image stuck out among the hundreds of smiley, inspiring photos of a respectable child star. My eyes tried to deny the striking resemblance that this barely dressed tween had to Hannah Montana.

Now, there was no nudity. No little black censor bars over her very illegal body. But a clearly self-taken cell phone pic of a little girl (assumably Miley) in a rolled up t-shirt, unfortunately a noticeable lack of bra, and tiny boy short undies. One of her standing and one lying in a bed.

I won't lie, it hurt my soul a bit.

There was only one posting of this image and there was question of its authenticity. It's sad to think but maybe we can at least hold on to the fact that at least she wasn't fully naked...? No! I can't give up on her yet. I won't. She is the last remaining straw in the straw dispenser that is role models for kids today!

Miley, until these photos are authenticated by a professional, or your mom, I will support you and your legalized name change to Miley Ray Cyrus as well as your many crazy, split-personality adventures*


*As long as you don't get pregnant, a nose job, go to rehab, send naked photos to Drake Bell etc.