MAINE: The way life should be...

...or at least that's what the highway welcome sign told me.

The way life should be, hmmm. Gas at $4.00 a gallon? Terrible national credit? Mortgage crises? Aahh, the life! Well it's the life when you don't have to worry about all of that and you can retreat to a four-acre multi-million dollar compound in beautiful Kennebunkport, ME!
















While on vacation with a friend and her family in Ogunquit they just raved about the beautiful Bush vacation spot (shown above) and said we just had to visit. As we drove through the windy stonewalled beach front properties owned by such billionaires as the creator of E-Harmony, out in the distance appeared Bush Land. On its own peninsula it was secluded, lavish and exceedingly gorgeous. Once you get past the security hut, the secret service and several people zipping around on Segways you come upon three, maybe four smaller mini-mansions before the big presidential castle. Obvi us peasants were not allowed to even approach the first security checkpoint but especially not on this day when they were preparing for the man himself.

There were large white event tents being set up along the water (as seen in the sweet paparazzi-esque photo I took) because the Pres is on his way tomorrow (Thursday)! "Junior's coming!", shouted the older absurdly loaded neighbors. Who knows what kind of wonderful adventures B.W. has planned for his vaca? I do know that the gas to get him all the way up here will be insane, the houses being built around will have cost unfathomable prices, and he will be just kickin' back doing nothing important just where America expects him.

Oh, she's just being Miley

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4g7rKQV9SkE

After that less than mature youtube video rumble between Miley and those other Disney girls it seems like Billy's baby didn't mean to break any hearts. Although it sounds like a clever cop-out instead of a genuine apology, at least its an attempt for peace...right?

Why can't we all just get along, make a Disney Channel movie together, date different boy band members and bask in our super popular mega-star glory?

Jon and Kate Plus 8...plus me!

Jon x Kate = Maddie + Cara + Alexis + Hannah +
Aaden + Collin + Leah + Joel...+ Me!

No, I'm not the ninth adorable baby Asian addition to this (mostly) happy household but I am in fact invited into their too crowded house on a daily basis to join in the chaos and so are you!

Jon and Kate started filling their rooms with camera crews shortly after the sextuplets were born. Now almost three years later, TLC still make up the 9th, 10th...16th members of the Gosselin home. Natural stars from the overpopulated womb, these babies knew how to fill the lens with puppy dog eyes and and tiny cherubic smiles. It all began with a couple of documentaries on raising multiples and the insanity that ensues until America (and I mean like the whole country) fell head over tiny baby croc heels in love with this adorable litter.

They are now a weekly sensation every Monday night on TLC and rerun at a minimum of 4-6 times per day. No it's not just soccer moms who sit home and take notes from Kate's never ending list of advice (both for raising 8 kids and for cleaning). Dads like to watch it because they root for Jon in every seemingly frivolous battle royal about marker usage and proper dusting techniques, kids enjoy watching other wee ones playing the same games-- even the famous 8 like watching themselves according to mom and dad.

Everyone has their favorite baby-- the majority seem to vote for the sweet specked Aaden while others love the itty bitty bubbly Leah. Whether you like the show for its teaching purposes or if you just love "aldergators" and marital spats Jon and Kate Plus 8 is for anyone with a heart or a soft spot for precious little Asian punims. We've watched them grow, heard them yelp, celebrated birthdays and "special days", learned how to use the potty and pulled at Jon and Kate's last straw and heart strings all from the comfort of our homes...where we will also be able to enjoy from afar the later years of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Teens!

Why I love POP

Oft refferred to as the new Mileys, Selena Gomez (the new Disney Channel starlet) and Demi Lovato (whoever she is) started up a youtube channel of their own--only to rival the infamous Miley and Mandy show. Apparently this happened a little while back but sadly my youtube stalking has lacked as of late so hear it is now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhGEO9XDmis

VS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fzX92p2czw

Personally, I adore this little tiff between disgustingly rich pop teen princesses. Sure, this kind of petty drama took place in high school but was it anywhere near as interesting? NO. Here's why:

1. It wasn't aired on youtube


2. The boyfriend being stolen was not a Jonas Brother


3. It didn't involve Miley freakin' Cyrus (not her actual middle name)

Watch the vids if you can stomach them (I'd turn the volume down due to the pitch of a 15 yr. old girl's voice) and pick your side. I know mine.

ps. Your make-up is waaayy too dark Miss Lovato

A fat fad

Pink sparkley cell phones, Hannah Montana blaring in an equally pink iPod, using "OMG" and other abbreviations in place of real sentences, skinny jeans, baby bumps...wait a minute?

High school is filled with ever changing trends and fashion statements. The newest, hottest craze storming teens across America? Big baby filled bellies!

Where annoying butterfly charmed rings used to dangle in an alluring come and get me sort of way, maternity elastic pants now stretch to fit the stomachs of young girls. Now, in my hometown, teen pregnancy wasn't a shocker. In fact, not being preggers at prom was quite the feat. But ever since Zoey 101 kid star Jamie -Lynne blimped up and Ellen Page stuffed her t-shirt for Juno, and Katherine Heigl was happily ever after Knocked Up, girls apparently just can't be seen without their own real baby bubble.

By the by, congrats to Miss Spears for giving birth to baby Maddie Briann last week! Let's see how things turn out with that: 17 year old momma, college drop-out daddy and a whole lotta press!

In Gloucester, MA this past week, during the graduation and prom hullabaloo, an astounding 17 girls are greeting their summer vacations with a slightly more round bikini bod. All of the soon-to-be mothers are no older than 16 and apparently formed some sort of weird underage pregnancy cult pacting to get preggo together and help each other raise their children. High fives were exchanged outside of the school nurse's office after positive pee-stick testing.

Some school officials are blaming the preggers craze in Hollywood and shrinks might say it's the unwed mothers'-to-be need for unconditional love. The fathers are clearly out of the picture (the only confirmed sperm donor to the cause was a 24 year old homeless man. Maybe we should investigate why 16 yr olds are sleeping with homeless people...)

What will come of this infant explosion among teeny boppers? Who knows! Is it all the fault of Juno and Bleeker's adorable Mac & Cheese romance? Or Jamie-Lynn's real-life game of house with her southern boy toy? Perhaps. But regardless of these Hollywood excuses for bad parenting, I think there is something a little more serious going on with these girls. Maybe it's the school system's lack of sex-ed (parents request that nurses or anyone do not distribute condoms or promote safe sex since they're obvi doing a great job with their kids at home).

I only hope this new bun in the oven fashion trend doesn't stick around the high schools much longer. After popping out the not so wee one I 'm sure these girls will have some second thoughts and children having children will be so 2008.

rE!ality: Part 2

Denise, life's complicated, I get it.

The ex-Mrs. Sheen is most known for her slew of sexy but mostly skanky roles from Wild Things to Bond girl. Tabloids call her a gold digger, husband stealer, bitch, you name it she's heard it.

But Denise wants us to see her for the real down home farm girl from Illinois that she is. A mother of two, owner of too many dogs and pigs and a mourning daughter.

Watching this extremely censored show (Richards has the mouth of a disgruntled trucker), I can't help but just feel bad for the girl. She just can't cut a break. Charlie Sheen was a drug addicted, gambling douche bag, Richie Sambora only brought a smile to the paparazzi's faces and her mother died while in negotiations for the E! show. Ouch.

I'm glad she has the chance to tell her side of the story and I can even relate to her on some level. When my bf and I started dating he had just gotten out of a really bad relationship. We were very close for a long time but only as friends. As for his heinous girlf, we were well, frienemies. Anyway, he dumped her and a few months later we made it official. So the story goes for Richards, Sambora and Heather Locklier. I am still, almost a year later, referred to as a boyfriend stealer.

Now, I don't have photogs up my ass harassing me and declaring me a slut to the world but still, it's no fun being told you ruin relationships for your own pleasure and that's what Denise is trying to say along with swiping the parent card for good measure.

Aside from the anti-tabloid antics, the Richards family just likes to kick back in some Prada shoes with the pigs. Denise is trying to date again, her friends throw her a spa/how to be a stripper party to get her out of a rut and this is all while she is dealing with her mother's untimely death.

I may be biased but I think she is a pretty impressive woman and I look forward to hearing more of her bleeped out story as the show gets picked up for a second season!

Bitter(sans)Sweet

For the past heat waved week I have stowed away at a non-air conditioned UMD, mooched off of my friends and their freshman orientation program and bummed a ride with anything on four wheels. All of this was in a sad attempt to make a few dollars a night at the TV studio I work at.

Earlier this spring I applied for the sweetest job ever on campus for the summer--freshman Orientation Leader (OL). What does this entail? Well, any incoming college newbies are forced to spend a night on campus before school starts "learning" all they need to know about the school (how to sneak alcohol into dorms)and the location (best places to drink and not get caught) from their fearless leaders.

2 weeks of "training"+ 2 weeks of babysitting = $1,500 paycheck.

Like I said, sweet.

I applied for a position, bullshitting my way through the forms like the English major I am (never lying, only emphasizing). Along with my application went four of my other friends'--one frat boy and Mr. UMD (which might as well mean he's a Greek). Hmm who do you think got the job? Myself or my other non-Greek friend that applied? Nope because God knows ex-high school seniors need only be educated on how the frat system works in college, not how normal people live. More than half of the staff hired this sumer is in a fraternity or a sorrority.

I researched the winners of the OL application battle to find scantily clad, underaged blondes sipping Vodka from the bottle and Greek letter wearing meatheads. Sure, I sound like I am stereotyping and just jealous but in my opinion, which doesn't matter, kids shouldn't be taught how to live through college life from people who openly post pictures on Facebook of themselves shitfaced commenting, "OMG i was sooooo totally drunk lol ;)"

So after the initial uncovering of impending devestation to the future of these poor freshman souls, I decided to delve into the world of orientation to see what earns the big check: bowling, obstacle course running, karaoke, bus tours of New Bedford and free un-supervised housing where drinking and drug use is totally supported.

Now don't get me wrong, my TV job is in no way laborious but still just a tad more involved than karaoke. Yet I still was driven to Dartmouth, slept in an undisclosed location on campus, ate my friends food, used up all my boyfriend's gas (ps. he's an OL) and let him buy me lots of food with his alloted meal allowance so that I could work two hours a night filming middle school bands.

This was my last full week of paid shoots, I still don't have a car or another job lined up and have yet to recieve any income since school let out. Pretty much, life's awesome.

Sure this may be all you've heard from me whether in blog or in person for quite some time now but oh well. I'm done ranting.