Dinner for two please

Summer is in the air and babies are in celebrity bellies!

I think everyone in Hollywood is pregnant right now or at least toting around tinsletown’s latest must have accessory—a tiny tot. Whether freshly adopted from a third world country (what up Madonna’s baby) or just born to some young previously troubled rents (hey hey Harlow Madden) these itty bitty drooly arm decorations are everywhere!

Every magazine cover/gossip news segment announces one of three things:

1. Is (insert questionably preggers celeb name here) expecting twins?
2. Confirmed: Baby on the way for (insert impregnated famous person’s name here)!
3. How (insert no longer pregnant and now super skinny star’s name here) lost all that baby weight in 9 days!
   

Jessica Alba, Angelina, Jamie-Lynn, Nicole Kidman, Ashlee Simpson are all concealing everyone’s favorite bump (with the exception of Kidman who at six months has gained maybe 3lbs—I say she had too big a lunch and is passing that off as a pregnancy). Halle Berry, J-Lo, Salma Hayek, Christina Aguilera and Nicole Ritchie are all parental-newbies who have dropped all the baby weight and then some and picked up the coveted title of “Celebrity Mommy”.

Boys can play this game too. Jack Black just welcomed his second son, the littlest Hanson bro is all grown up/a new daddy and Harold Perrineau (Michael, LOST) added a new girl to his life. Even Idol vetran Clay Aiken has jumped on the reproduction line...well he artificially inseminated his 50-something-yr old best girl friend, but still.

If you aren’t fortunate enough to be one of these tummy touting headliners, no worries:

1. Don’t suck it in while wearing a super tight dress.
2. Gorge on some junk food in public.
3. Just be seen with a member of the opposite sex.
   

Voila! You’ve got yourself a fresh, hot bun in the oven rumor!

A little less "Sixteen Candles", a little more "have my baby"

Touch up you guy-liner, adjust your way-too skinny bulgetastic chick jeans and rejoice emo kids everywhere! Well at least try to crack a smile- your famous brethren are reproducing!

It's really your average fall out boy meets girl story. Boy steals girl’s pants. Girl gets nose job. They procreate.

Pete Wentz, the only guy we care about from Fall Out Boy, and Ashlee Simpson, umm, Jessica's less endowed sister are making it official. The lip-syncing tartlet and the pretty in black bassist have been linked for over 2 years now being spotted at hot spots locking lips and batting their mascara-ed lashes for the photogs.

In almost every interview, Pete brags about his cross dressing tendencies and how it’s so convenient dating a girl the same size as him. I mean, I won't lie, I've swapped t-shirts with my bf here and there but pants...no friggen way.

Anyway, last week, in typical Hollywood fast lane fashion, the semi-pop rock stars announced plans for a rather shotgun wedding (confirming rumors about a certain ring on a certain finger.) It was all "we wanted our fans to know first!" followed by a polite fuck off, we want our privacy.

Just as the wedding bells started chiming, pitter patters of Chuck-clad baby feet came from the not so distant future. Sources close to the punk-couture pair (you know, those sources that always fuck over celebs to dish for cash) say that we can expect a mini-Wentzson sometime this year.

Woah woah little Simpson sister, are we forgetting the family values set forth by Jessica the chaste? She was de-virginized on national television (in between idiotic explosions from the mouth) after an elaborate white wedding to long time boy band beau Nick Lachey. Ashlee herself has never come out promising premarital purity but it was understandably assumed. She has recently stated however that she is extremely offended that people think she's preggers which is usually code for I'm fa shiz up the spout.

Only obsessive baby bump monitoring will tell if the lady and gent of pop rockdom will be needing Patrick Stump to babysit or Jess to change diapers.